Today in Rick Santorum Says Something Stupid

Good nNews, everybody! Rick Santorum has his own Twitter account! It's certified too, so you don't have to worry about accidentally following a fake Santorum who says things that aren't total garbage!

Here's what the real, certified Rick Santorum had to say yesterday:

Here is 1 effect of changing definition of marriage: "@HuffingtonPost: Marriage rate drops to new low huff.to/tfhN1e" #fb

1. "#fb"?!? I see they're letting everybody on Facebook these days. Christ.

2. Not to be all professorial n' shit, but making more people eligible for marriage would tend exert upward pressure on the marriage rate. Still...

3. We did it bitchez! We reduced the pressure people feel to get married!

Oh, wait, Santorum is assuming that marriage is an inherent good, and that the over fifty percent of American adults who aren't married are awful people. I know US elections are confusing, what with the electrical college and all, but insulting half of the populace doesn't strike me as a very good strategy.

4. What mechanism is Santorum proposing, anyway? Is he suggesting that there are hoards of petulant straight people who refuse to get married now that (less than half of all) same-sex couples have access to their toy? "Fuck, I don't want to play marriage anymore. Marriage sucks. Now I want a pony that shits rainbows. What, queer people already have that too?!?"

In conclusion, America, you should totally elect Rick Santorum, because he's bad at math, hates gay people, thinks half of you are awful, and is convinced that lots of straight people are acting like petulant children.

Sure.

Your move, not-Romney.