Quote of the Day

"The greatest victories in the battle for life are not going to be won in the halls of government. It's going to be won in the hearts of men."—Rick Perry, who is definitely still running for president, at Mike Huckabee's Anti-Choice Hoedown last night.

File Under: Sometimes the use of "men" as a synonym for "humankind" is even more obnoxious than usual.

Horrible Governor Does Horrible Thing

Back in 2010, now-Governor Scott Walker campaigned on a pledge to keep the federal government from giving Wisconsin money to improve its rail infrastructure. The government shouldn't be in the train business, or some such nonsense.

This morning, the Walker administration decided that Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin can't use mostly federal monies to screen poor, uninsured women for cancer. The government shouldn't be in the keeping women from dying of cancer business, or some such nonsense.

From the Appleton Post Crescent:

Since 1995, Planned Parenthood has coordinated a breast and cervical cancer screening program for low-income and underinsured women ages 45 to 64 in Outagamie, Winnebago, Fond du Lac and Sheboygan counties.

Though funded primarily with federal dollars, the $1.8 million program — known as Wisconsin Well Woman — is a state and federal partnership.

Tanya Atkinson, executive director of Planned Parenthood Advocates of Wisconsin, said state officials informed the group by phone earlier this month that the state Department of Health Services would not renew the $130,000 contract at the end of the year.

State law already prohibits the use of state and federal funds to cover abortions, except in cases of rape or incest, or if the life or long-term health of the mother is at risk.

The state budget further prohibited organizations that provide abortions, refer women to abortion services or have "affiliates" that do the same from accessing "women's health funds."

In 2010, two full-time coordinators from Planned Parenthood served 1,260 women in the four counties, according to [its advocates].

In other news, today the PAC United Wisconsin announced that it has gathered over 500,000 signatures towards recalling Walker.

Today in Rick Santorum Says Something Stupid

Good nNews, everybody! Rick Santorum has his own Twitter account! It's certified too, so you don't have to worry about accidentally following a fake Santorum who says things that aren't total garbage!

Here's what the real, certified Rick Santorum had to say yesterday:

Here is 1 effect of changing definition of marriage: "@HuffingtonPost: Marriage rate drops to new low huff.to/tfhN1e" #fb

1. "#fb"?!? I see they're letting everybody on Facebook these days. Christ.

2. Not to be all professorial n' shit, but making more people eligible for marriage would tend exert upward pressure on the marriage rate. Still...

3. We did it bitchez! We reduced the pressure people feel to get married!

Oh, wait, Santorum is assuming that marriage is an inherent good, and that the over fifty percent of American adults who aren't married are awful people. I know US elections are confusing, what with the electrical college and all, but insulting half of the populace doesn't strike me as a very good strategy.

4. What mechanism is Santorum proposing, anyway? Is he suggesting that there are hoards of petulant straight people who refuse to get married now that (less than half of all) same-sex couples have access to their toy? "Fuck, I don't want to play marriage anymore. Marriage sucks. Now I want a pony that shits rainbows. What, queer people already have that too?!?"

In conclusion, America, you should totally elect Rick Santorum, because he's bad at math, hates gay people, thinks half of you are awful, and is convinced that lots of straight people are acting like petulant children.

Sure.

Your move, not-Romney.

Today in Rick Santorum Says Something Stupid

In a recent interview with the Concord Monitor, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum, currently polling at LOL%, said many stupid things, as is his signature campaign strategy. Here are the Top Three:

Part One: Your body is a car.

To control health care costs, Rick Santorum says Americans should treat their bodies more like their cars: Only the priciest procedures should go through insurance.

"You don't even turn in a little fender bender if it's only going to cost you a little bit more than your deductible," the Republican presidential candidate said last week during an interview with the Monitor's editorial board. "Why? Because you don't want your insurance to go up."

With health care expenses, "consumers should pay for the maintenance of your vehicle, you being the vehicle," Santorum said. That would mean paying out of pocket for "minor scrapes and scratches" - like a broken arm, he suggested.

"It's a serious problem, but it's not a catastrophic event," he said.

Moving right along.

Part Two: If they're so ALLEGEDLY poor, why are they so fat?

[Santorum] would address the deficit not by increasing taxes but by cutting spending, citing federal education spending, the State Department and food stamps among his primary targets.

"Is there a hunger problem if the poorest people in America are the most obese?" he said.

This brilliant rhetorical observation, in addition to highlighting Santorum's compassionate side, underlines how much attention he was paying while serving as a senator in the US Congress, whence comes the answer to his nifty question.

Part Three: Gay marriage is poopy and you're a bunch of doodyheads shut up!

Santorum said he doesn't "have any problem if people want to live their life the way they want to live it." But gay marriage affects him personally, he said, because it "changes what marriage is" and deprives children of their right to a mother and father.

..."What you're saying with same-sex marriage is, you want people, you're designing a system around a system where children are denied their birthright."

What-the-fuck face. Contemptuous head shake. Long exasperated sigh.

BONUS STUPID! On why he's not getting more media attention and thus not polling higher: "I'm not the guy with the bouffant hairdo that everybody wants to twirl around the dance floor with. I'm the guy you want to take home to Mom and Dad." Ha ha sure. Or the guy you slowly back away from because he talks such nonsensical shit that you figure there's a 50-50 chance he's an alien goblinoid masquerading as a human, and it's worth keeping an eye on him.

[H/T to @PamSpaulding.]

Primarily Stupid

A look at what's going on with those rascally Republican rapscallions this morning...

In feminist news (lulz), Rep. Michele Bachmann has received the endorsement of arch conservative Phyllis Schlafly. How fun! An anti-feminist lady endorsing an anti-feminist lady—and womanhood, nor the particular attributes that being a strong woman in a misogynist culture both demands and reinforces, definitely has nothing to do with it FOR SURE, because that would be feminism, which is obviously garbage.

Speaking of strong ladies, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi knows Newt: "One of these days we'll have a conversation about Newt Gingrich. I know a lot about him. I served on the investigative committee that investigated him, four of us locked in a room in an undisclosed location for a year. A thousand pages of his stuff." I believe the technical term for that is "oppo-research-a-go-go."

Obviously, conservatives don't give a fuck if Newt Gingrich snorted payola off an organic goat's tenderloin, but GOP elites have to be nervous about whether independent voters will be so sanguine about Candidate Gingrich's unsavory past. And present. And certain future.

On that "we'll take Newt, whatever" note, as Gingrich emerges as the clear frontrunner in Iowa, Gallup finds that "Republicans See Gingrich, Romney as 'Acceptable' Nominees." And they are the only two candidates deemed acceptable by more than 50% of respondents. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Curb the enthusiasm there, Republicans!

Speaking of Mitt Romney: Did you know he's a flip-flopper? It's true! I know, I was shocked. And not only does he lack integrity, it turns out he's shady and dishonest, not to mention unethical, as well. What an absolute surprise! I had no idea. Ha ha just kidding. I had ALL the ideas.

The leftovers: Gingrich asks Trump to create 'apprentice' program for poor schoolchildren. Of course he does. And Paul Krugman on the current state of American politics.

Kansas Update

Way back in July I posted about how Kansas hired Koch-bros. affiliated attorneys to defend itself in cases regarding its attacks on clinics and its de-funding of Planned Parenthood. At the time I noted:

Huh. I had no idea the state of Kansas had so much money laying around! Planned Parenthood, by the way, is being represented by pro-bono attorneys.

Yesterday the Kansas City Star reported on just how much money the state has paid (so far!):

After about six months, the state has tallied $392,520 in legal bills stemming from attempts to restrict abortion that were pushed during the legislative session earlier this year.

The state spent $237,834 on private lawyers defending efforts to strip Planned Parenthood of federal family planning funds. It has laid out $94,380 defending new rules for abortion clinics.

And it has amassed $60,306 in legal bills over a new law that bars insurance companies from providing elective abortion coverage as part of their comprehensive plans.

[...]

Two firms are handling the lawsuits for the state.

Foulston Siefkin is representing the state in the Planned Parenthood case. The firm charges up to $300 an hour for litigation work and $115 an hour for paralegal services.

The law firm of former University of Kansas Law School Dean Steve McAllister — Thompson, Ramsdell & Qualseth — is representing the state in lawsuits challenging the new abortion clinic rules and the insurance restrictions.

McAllister’s firm charges up to $275 for litigation and $75 an hour for paralegal work.

The state's Attorney General, Derek Schmidt, said they had to hire people since his office is overburdened.

So, earlier this year, while the state passed bullshit legislation that was guraranteed to be challenged in court, the state was also working on a budget. Here's a bit how that went:

Friday’s cuts include:

--A $50.2 million reduction in general state aid to education, which will require legislative action in order to coordinate that change with expected increases in health and human services caseloads.

--$2.3 million reductions each in Board of Regents system operating budgets and Social and Rehabilitation Services mental health care managed services.

--A $1.3 million reduction in State Finance Council funds dedicated to assuring Kansas government salaries are competitive with the private sector.

--A total $374,000 in reduced debt service costs and lowered operating budgets for the Kansas Court of Tax Appeals, the Kansas Attorney General’s office, the Kansas Art Commission and the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks.

And:

Republican leaders asserted that tax increases will be necessary in the budget, but the House budget did not include a tax increase.[35] Instead, the House budget lessened funds for public education by not replacing $172 million in federal stimulus dollars.

So how is that working out? Pretty much how you might think:

Quietly, without fanfare, the 39-year-old emergency center for Johnson County youth in crisis at TLC closed in September.

In December, the 17-year-old old transitional program for disturbed Johnson County kids from teens up to 18 at TLC will also close.

The elimination of both programs is a result of statewide budget cuts.

[...]

In the meantime, Marillac, the other facility in the county that deals with youth in need of acute care, is facing severe cutbacks in its own programs. It, too, is trying to deal with major budget cuts.

Both TLC and Marillac exist for youth with severe psychiatric needs who have been referred to them by the Johnson County Mental Health Center.

And:

Topeka — State budget cuts to public schools have resulted in fewer teachers and more crowded classrooms, according to statistics reported Friday by the Kansas Department of Education.

The total number of teacher positions statewide in the current school year is 34,075.

That is a drop of 256 from last year and 1,363 since the 2008-09 school year total of 35,438.

Meanwhile, student enrollment has increased from 473,097 in 2008-09 to 482,798 in the current school year. That is an increase of 9,701 students. During that time, the Lawrence school district grew from 11,007 students to 11,613 students, an increase of 606 students.

The elimination of teacher positions coincides with cuts to school funding.

But, hey, Kansas has plenty of money (nearly $400K for six months of work!) to spend hiring attorneys to defend anti-abortion legislation. Obviously that money couldn't be useful anywhere else in the state. Priorities!

Backlash Backfire

[This post originally ran in February, but the included video is making the rounds again, and I've gotten a bunch of emails about it, so here it is again. Enjoy!]

In August of 2007, the state of Iowa's prohibition on same-sex marriage was ruled unconstitutional. In 2008, the case for marriage equality went to the Iowa Supreme Court, and, in 2009, the Court unanimously ruled in favor of marriage equality, thus making same-sex marriage legal in Iowa.

So of course Republicans in the state House introduced an amendment to the state's constitution to outlaw it again—a futile gesture, since state Senate Majority Leader Mike Gronstal flatly refuses to allow it to come up for a vote in the Senate. (Rock on.) But there were hearings nonetheless, because homobigots love to hear themselves talk in poorly appointed rooms on shitty microphones.

What they weren't counting on was providing a platform to 19-year-old Iowan Zach Wahls, who was raised by a same-sex couple and whose compelling testimony has gone viral, making a passionate appeal for marriage equality the most talked-about event of their stupid symbolic hearing. Whooooooops!

Take it away, Zach.


[Transcript below. H/T to everyone in the multiverse, and thanks to each and every one of you.]

Good evening, Mr. Chairman. My name is Zach Wahls. I'm a sixth-generation Iowan, an engineering student at the University of Iowa, and I was raised by two women.

My biological mom, Terri, told her grandparents that she was pregnant, that the artificial insemination had worked, and they wouldn't even acknowledge it. It wasn't until I was born and they succumbed to my infantile cuteness that they broke down and told her that they were thrilled to have another grandson. Unfortunately, neither of them lived to see her married to her partner, Jackie, of 15 years, when they wed in 2009.


My younger sister and only sibling was born in 1994; we actually have the same anonymous donor, so we're full siblings, which is really cool for me. Um, you know, and I guess the point is that our family really isn't so different from any other Iowa family—you know, when I'm home, we go to church together, we eat dinner, we go on vacations. But, you know, we have our hard times, too—we get in fights, um, you know, actually, my mom Terri was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2000; it is a devastating disease that put her in a wheelchair, so we've had our share of struggles.

But, you know, we're Iowans; we don't expect anyone to solve our problems for us; we'll fight our own battles; we just hope for equal and fair treatment from our government.

Being a student at the University of Iowa, the topic of same-sex marriage comes up quite frequently in classroom discussions. You know, and the question always comes down to, "Well, can gays even raise kids?" And the question, you know, the conversation gets quiet for a moment, because most people don't really have an answer—and then I raise my hand and say, "Actually, I was raised by a gay couple, and I'm doing pretty well."

I scored in the 99th percentile on the ACT; I'm actually an Eagle Scout; I own and operate my own small business. If I were your son, Mr. Chairman, I believe I'd make you very proud.

I'm not really so different from any of your children. My family really isn't so different from yours. After all, your family doesn't derive its sense of worth from being told by the state, "You're married—congratulations!" No, the sense of family comes from the commitment we make to each other, to work through the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones; it comes from the love that binds us. That's what makes a family.

So what you're voting here isn't to change us. It's not to change our families; it's to change how the law views us, how the law treats us. You are voting for the first time, in the history of our state, to codify discrimination into our constitution—a constitution that, but for the proposed amendment, is the least amended constitution in the United States of America. You are telling Iowans that some among you are second-class citizens who do not have the right to marry the person you love.

So will this vote affect my family? Will it affect yours? Over the next two hours, I'm sure we're going to hear plenty of testimony about how damaging having gay parents is on kids. But in my 19 years, not once have I ever been confronted by an individual who realized independently that I was raised by a gay couple.

And you know why? Because the sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character.

Thank you very much. [applause]

It's Here! (Rearden Metal Edition)

Hey, remember that email from Atlas Shrugged Movie I posted about last week? The one that seemed to be advertising something, but was really not advertising anything? Well, the whole mystery has been cleared up with a new email from... drum roll please... REARDEN STEEL!

Yeah, so, the Atlas Shrugged marketing team is finally taking my advice and sending out emails from movie characters. I guess Rearden Steel is a character. As much as anyone or anything in the movie is. It's an entity. Like the Ministry of Love or the Lord of the Flies conch. Right? It would totally get its own Cliffs Notes page. Plus, it's actually clear this time what they are selling. (Cue up Pomp and Circumstance, they are ready to graduate my marketing class!)

They sent me this great email:


The copy in the email reads:

It's here. And, it's AWESOME.

Harmon Kaslow and John Aglialoro present this very Special Edition Atlas Shrugged Part I Blu-Ray packaged in an amazing one-of-a-kind REARDEN STEEL collectible case housing over 2 hours of incredible bonus material.

IT IS BEAUTIFUL.

PRE-ORDER NOW FOR DEC. 19-23 DELIVERY.

[There is also some stuff about Midas Mulligan's annual sale, whut? And the Canadian premier! Ha! Eat that, Canadians!]

Atlas Shrugged: Part 1: The Search for Spock on Blu-Ray! In a Rearden Steel metal case! Note, this is not actually made of Rearden steel because Rearden steel is fictional. But still!

You and all your friends can order this one-of-a-kind item, which kind of makes me wonder if the marketing team knows what one-of-a-kind means. But nevermind!

The Blu-Ray comes in three different versions (Oof, what's the total now, twelve? Twelve different versions of this DVD/Blu-Ray thing?) with a bunch of exclusive features like the "I am John Galt" fan video compilation which is on the regular DVD, too. This also makes me wonder if the marketing team knows what exclusive means. Ah, well, in marketing words can mean anything you want, dictionaries be damned!

So give yourself (obviously) the gift of Rearden Steel this Xmas! I know I will. (I won't.)

Speaking of Xmas (a non-denominational holiday, just FYI) this stuff is also on Blu-Ray this week:

One Day. Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess have sex once a year for twenty years. Special packaging: Comes inside a Page-A-Day Calendar.

Friends With Benefits. Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake have sex. Special packaging: Comes inside a No Strings Attached DVD case.

The Adventures of Tintin. Cartoon version of the books! Woo hoo! Special packaging: Comes inside a reproduction of Tintin's rocket.

Walk a Mile in My Pradas. Switcheroo Comedy™ about a homophobe who turns gay. Boat Trip meets Vice Versa and/or Like Father Like Son. Special packaging: Comes in a time capsule from 1986.

Conan the Barbarian Reboot! About muscles and swords and (probably) does not feature any Grace Jones. Special packaging: Comes in a faux-fur loincloth.

The Smurfs Reboot! Computer-generated blue wee people (are they people?) get into hijinx and shenanigans with Doogie Howser. Retro! Special packaging: Comes in a can of creative bankruptcy.

Get shopping, Shruggers!

So the Republicans Had a Debate Last Night

And it was garbage no doy. Anyway, it aired on one of the cable news networks, but I just can't remember which one:


[Click to embiggen.]
Oh well nevermind that. Wolf Blitzer was the moderator, and the subject was warmongering and exceptionalism National Security. If you're so inclined, you can read the full transcript here. My paraphrase of the evening's debate is below.

Blah blah debate national security. "It's a president's most important and daunting responsibility, to protect and defend the United States of America. Millions of lives in the hands of one commander-in-chief. It's what legacies are made of." Blah blah Reagan. "The National Anthem performed by Mauricio Perez, from the Tony Award winning musical, Jersey Boys," lulz. Blah blah we're all definitely straight and married. Blah blah terrorism. Blah blah Patriot Act. Blah blah Constitution. Blah blah war. "We are a nation of values." Blah blah targeted identification.

It is at this point in the debate that Herman Cain responds to a question posed to him by moderator Wolf Blitzer: "No, Blitz. That's oversimplifying it." LOL. He then babbles a bit more national security nonsense before correcting himself: "I'm sorry, Blitz, I meant Wolf, okay?" To which Wolf Blitzer replies, "Thank you, Cain." LOL. Oh my god.

Blah blah Al Qaeda. Blah blah Pakistan. "And I also think that Pakistan is a nation, that it's kind of like too nuclear to fail." Blah blah Afghanistan. Blah blah pull out. (That's what she said.) Blah blah Osama bin Laden. "You tell the Pakistanis, help us or get out of the way, but don't complain if we kill people you're not willing to go after on your territory where you have been protecting them." Blah blah radical Islam. Blah blah Iran. "We need a strategy of defeating and replacing the current Iranian regime with minimum use of force." Blah blah sanctions blah.

And more endless blah blah blah peppered with belligerent posturing from a bunch of aggressive defense hawks who are under the foolish impression that the United States is still a thriving empire, and of the ghastly opinion that the role of an empire is to put on big boots and stomp all over the world. The end.

[Previously in Debate-a-Thon 2012: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven.]

Atlas Emails!

I got an email a little while ago from Atlas Shrugged Movie. That's really the name in the from field. It is really from the movie's marketing department. I must have signed up for email alerts from them at some point. Whoops. Personally, I think this should have come from "John Galt." That would have been neat. "Hey, Mom, John Galt just sent me an email!" See? Marketing 101.

Anyway, misery loves company (so says that Goo Goo Dolls song), so I thought I'd share:


The copy in the email reads:

THIS FRIDAY, GIVE THE GIFT OF KNOWLEDGE.

Mark your calendar. This Friday, November 25, is the special one-day Gulch Store shopping event. Visit us online and give the very special blu-metal gift of lasting knowledge to your friends and family.

Browse the Gulch Store now for great gift ideas.

I don't really know what this means. It references a one-day event on Friday, but the online store is open now and will, free-market willing, be open Saturday and I see nothing about special Black Friday discounts. Marketing 204 (an elective class) I bet teaches: Be sure your message is clear. Whoops.

I guess, maybe, if you're going to buy an Atlas Shrugged: Part I: The Undiscovered Country DVD do it on Friday? It's now available in nine (NINE!) different editions. Oof. To be an Atlas Shrugged: Part I DVD completist: Sad face.

See you Friday, Shruggians!

Just FYI

Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 is at the top of my Qwikster queue. Updates as they develop!

Perry and "Personhood"

So this happened yesterday:

Question off camera: Um, I'd like to clarify whether you agree or disagree with Mitt Romney regarding the personhood amendment?

Perry: Let, let me tell you what I believe in. I'm pro-life. Been pro-life all my life. Uh. (pause) As the governor of Texas I don't know if there's, uh, anyone who has been engaged more issues that have been, uh, protective of life. Uhm. And parental consent, parental notification, this last session of legislature we passed a law that, uh, says if a female is to receive an abortion she, ah, has to have a sonogram before that procedure can occur. Uhm, I happen to...to believe in putting justices on the Supreme Court that are pro-life. And....Roe versus Wade would, ah, be found to be unconstitutional, it would go back to the states. Until! There would be a constitutional amendment to the United States that would clearly defend life and that life would be from the time of conception until death. I would support that. Uh, and....(pause)...that a pro-life amendment in a constitutional way is the way that this issue is finally addressed. So, uh, I have always been very consistent, uh, on the issue of life and will continue to be in the, ah, men and women who I would ask to serve on the United States Supreme Court would be strict constructionists and they would find nothing in the United States constitution dealing with the issues of, ah, abortion. That would go back to the states and the state could decide those issues up until the time there would be a United States constitution to protect life, which I would be supportive of.

Barf.

Today In Whoops

I know you're all excited by my announcement Friday regarding the DVD release of Atlas Shrugged: Part 1: The Phantom Menacers, so I hope this doesn't ruin your day.

The release has been marred by a typo, and 100,000 title sheets for the DVD will have to be replaced. The artwork for the DVD describes the film thusly: "Ayn Rand's timeless novel of courage and self-sacrifice comes to life..." Uh oh.

A spokesperson for the producer had this to say:

"It's embarrassing for sure and of course, regardless of how or why it happened, we're all feeling responsible right now. You can imagine how mortified we all were when we saw the DVD but, it was simply too late — the product was already on shelves all over the Country. It was certainly no surprise when the incredulous emails ensued. The irony is inescapable."

The company is replacing the sheets free of charge (also ironic) with new copy that reads "Ayn Rand's timeless novel of rational self-interest comes to life..." Much better!

But don't throw those originals out, Galtians, they're collector's items!

[H/t to everyone in the universe.]

It's Here!

Finally! After decades of waiting! It seemed like this day would never come but it has! Atlas Shrugged: Part I: Shrug Like There's No Tomorrow is now available on DVD!



Official Atlas Shrugged Movie DVD
Get your copy at the Official Www.atlasshruggedpart1.com Website for only $19.95! ("In stock. Order now for immediate delivery.") Or, get it at Amazon for $15.49 (Free market!) or download it for $3.99 (48 hour rental, free market, too!) or $14.99 (own it forever (i.e. until your harddrive crashes!)!). Or Qwikster it! Sorry, it isn't on Redbox yet (the market has spoken!)

It's also on Blu-ray in case you want to see the special effects in super high definition on your 97" plasma TV. (I thought plasma came from blood. They're not making these TVs out of blood are they?! "Personhood!") Oddly, the Blu-ray version doesn't seem to be available on the film's website. (Free market?) But that's okay, they make it up to you.

With this!:



Official Atlas Shrugged DVD: Collector's 4 DVD Box Set
For the collectors! If you collect Atlas Shrugged DVDs, this is the must have Atlas Shrugged DVD this season! Some of the exciting features in this set:

Each DVD contains the FULL Theatrical Release of ATLAS SHRUGGED Part I which opened in limited release nationwide April 15th, 2011 (Whut?)

"I am John Galt." fan video compilation (35:06) (35:06!)

"The John Galt Theme" slideshow (3:17) (Hawt!)

"The World of Atlas Shrugged" audio program (MP3 and ROM) (ROM? Huh?)

"Welcome" from FreedomWorks President Matt Kibbe (Fun!)

Barbara Branden on the Passion of Ayn Rand (Also fun!)

Exclusive footage from the April 14th premiere (Not fun!)

And if that's not enough, it comes in three (three!) separate editions! One with an actual film cel (recycling!) for $139.95 (a fool and his money!) and another with a film cell plus an autograph from someone (be surprised!) for $179.95! (Paypal not accepted.)

Just in time for Christmas! (Also, Santa: so NOT the Randian ideal. Those kids didn't earn those Legos!) Shake the invisble hand of the free market and get yours today.

Number of the Day

$6.6 trillion: The cost of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney's proposed economic plan. With interest, the cost grows to $7.8 trillion over the next 10 years. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

That would help SO MANY job creators create SO MANY jobs at the bootstrap factory!

This, Too, Is Why People Occupy Wall Street

CNN Money—Your phone company is selling your personal data:

Your phone company knows where you live, what websites you visit, what apps you download, what videos you like to watch, and even where you are. Now, some have begun selling that valuable information to the highest bidder.

In mid-October, Verizon Wireless changed its privacy policy to allow the company to record customers' location data and Web browsing history, combine it with other personal information like age and gender, aggregate it with millions of other customers' data, and sell it on an anonymized basis.

That kind of data could be very useful -- and lucrative -- to third-party companies. For instance, if a small business owner wanted to figure out the best place to open a new pet store, the owner could buy a marketing report from Verizon about a designated area. The report might reveal which city blocks get the most foot or car traffic from people whose Web browsing history reveals that they own pets.

Verizon is the first mobile provider to publicly confirm that it is actually selling information gleaned from its customers directly to businesses. But it's hardly alone in using data about its subscribers to make extra cash.

All four national carriers use aggregated customer information to help outside parties target ads to their subscribers. AT&T, Sprint and T-Mobile insist that subscriber data is never actually handed over to third-party vendors; nevertheless, they all make money on it.

...For its part, Verizon has largely been applauded by privacy groups for at least being transparent about what it's doing and pointing users to an opt-out site if they don't wish to participate. But privacy advocates are concerned about the direction wireless companies are headed.

It's funny how conservatives have always justified their support of privatization by saying the government cannot be trusted to retain too much information on its citizens, because we'll end up never having any privacy and never being truly free. But now that corporations are doing the very thing conservatives were always ostensibly afraid the government would do, they're eerily silent on the matter.

It's almost like all that privacy and freedom stuff is just mendacious rhetoric designed to mask their unfettered avarice and love of profit at all costs. Huh.

Three Birds. One Show.

1. Europe: Yeeeeeaaaaah, not so much. (Well...)
2. The United States: SUPERCONGRESS!
3. NBC: The Playboy Club (Whoops!)

Europe and the US clearly need to try something different, and NBC's desperate for a brand new show that's basically just a slightly repackaged version of an existing show.

I give you Wank Swap, the new reality show where European and American leaders trade places to weigh in on important issues of economic policy.

Because I once had forty-five minutes of free time and something resembling Photoshop, I've been able to track down some stills from the first season:


[French President Nicolas Sarkozy struggles to give the tiniest infinitesimal fuck about a county fair in US Representative John Boehner's southwestern Ohio Congressional district.]


[US Senator Mitch McConnell beats a hasty retreat through the Frankfurt airport after disrupting a European Central Bank meeting to suggest that Belgium could really "lighten up".]


[US Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner saves London from a dalek, or vice versa.]


[In season one's most shocking episode, Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi serves as New Jersey's governor for four months. His cover is blown during an impromptu concert with the floating head and torso of White House Council for Community Solutions member Jon Bon-Jovi.]


[In a very special episode, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper makes a guest appearance, cooking dinner for The Beaver the son of ECB president Jean-Claude Trichet. Portugal is doomed to a thousand years of hyperinflation.]

I'm not saying that this show is a good idea. I just think it's a lot better than anything anyone's tried so far.