Today in Rick Santorum Says Something Stupid

In a recent interview with the Concord Monitor, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum, currently polling at LOL%, said many stupid things, as is his signature campaign strategy. Here are the Top Three:

Part One: Your body is a car.

To control health care costs, Rick Santorum says Americans should treat their bodies more like their cars: Only the priciest procedures should go through insurance.

"You don't even turn in a little fender bender if it's only going to cost you a little bit more than your deductible," the Republican presidential candidate said last week during an interview with the Monitor's editorial board. "Why? Because you don't want your insurance to go up."

With health care expenses, "consumers should pay for the maintenance of your vehicle, you being the vehicle," Santorum said. That would mean paying out of pocket for "minor scrapes and scratches" - like a broken arm, he suggested.

"It's a serious problem, but it's not a catastrophic event," he said.

Moving right along.

Part Two: If they're so ALLEGEDLY poor, why are they so fat?

[Santorum] would address the deficit not by increasing taxes but by cutting spending, citing federal education spending, the State Department and food stamps among his primary targets.

"Is there a hunger problem if the poorest people in America are the most obese?" he said.

This brilliant rhetorical observation, in addition to highlighting Santorum's compassionate side, underlines how much attention he was paying while serving as a senator in the US Congress, whence comes the answer to his nifty question.

Part Three: Gay marriage is poopy and you're a bunch of doodyheads shut up!

Santorum said he doesn't "have any problem if people want to live their life the way they want to live it." But gay marriage affects him personally, he said, because it "changes what marriage is" and deprives children of their right to a mother and father.

..."What you're saying with same-sex marriage is, you want people, you're designing a system around a system where children are denied their birthright."

What-the-fuck face. Contemptuous head shake. Long exasperated sigh.

BONUS STUPID! On why he's not getting more media attention and thus not polling higher: "I'm not the guy with the bouffant hairdo that everybody wants to twirl around the dance floor with. I'm the guy you want to take home to Mom and Dad." Ha ha sure. Or the guy you slowly back away from because he talks such nonsensical shit that you figure there's a 50-50 chance he's an alien goblinoid masquerading as a human, and it's worth keeping an eye on him.

[H/T to @PamSpaulding.]