Primarily Terrible

Here's the latest from Bad Max 2: The Legend of Curly's Gold, aka the Republican Primary...

Frontrunner (whuzzat?!) Newt Gingrich was preempted by chanting Occupy Wall Street protesters at a campaign event at the University of Iowa. Smooth as always, and definitely showing his firm grip on the pulse of the nation, Gingrich shouted over them: "I appreciate the 95% of you, maybe even the 99% of you, who will actually have an intelligent discussion and are not going to be drowned out by the 1% who try to impose their will by making noise." LOL! GOOD ONE!

Former frontfunner (sad trombone) Mitt Romney, last seen attacking Gingrich on the basis of his "zaniness," has stepped up his scathing attack strategy by pointing out that Gingrich is "a wealthy man, a very wealthy man." Ooh BURN! It's true what they say: No one can identify a wealthy man, a very wealthy man, like a trust-fund kid who grew up to make millions running a private equity investment firm. You've got him on the ropes now, Moneybags!

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet.

Ron Paul has gotten the coveted Andrew Sullivan endorsement. It's no Gary Busey, but it's pretty good. It must have been hard for a guy who loves racism and sexism SO MUCH to limit himself to one candidate in the GOP field, so it's really a strong message to racists and sexists that Sully went with Ron Paul. Take heed, bigots!

Michele Bachmann is accusing Newt Gingrich of buying Tea Party support: She's "been hearing this all across the country, that money is changing hands. And that's not how I do business. In fact, I've told people, I've told evangelicals, I've told Tea Partiers—I don't pay people to come out and be my supporters, that's not what I do. When we have tea party groups and all of the rest, I don't do that because I'm just a real person." Oh, Newt Gingrich is a real person, too. A VERY RICH person! Who can buy Tea Party Support! Just ask Mitt Romney.

Jon Huntsman is gaining momentum in New Hampshire. Not a lot—just enough to beat Ron Paul. But enough to sustain an egomaniac's belief that he can definitely for sure totally win this thing!

Rick Santorum said something stupid and homophobic. In other news, today is Thursday.

Bonus Fun! Dynamic television personality and former GOP primary failosaur Mike Huckabee hosted an anti-abortion forum in Iowa for the candidates who bothered to show up (Gingrich, Bachmann, Santorum, and Perry, who is still definitely in the race). Each of the candidates had the opportunity to deliver "seven-minute speeches on their anti-abortion agendas" before the premiere of Huckabee's new anti-abortion documentary, The Gift of Life. That sounds like a GREAT event! SO FUN. Good job on being awesome, Republicans!

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.

Quote of the Day

"Zany is not what we need in a president. Zany is great in a campaign. It's great on talk radio. It's great in the print; it makes for fun reading. But in terms of a president, we need a leader, and a leader needs to be someone who can bring Americans together."—GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney, on his "zany" opponent, Newt Gingrich.

How the fuck boring are you if you think Newt Gingrich is "zany"? This is not helping your image as a total snoozefest, Mr. Romney.

Protip: If you don't want pundits incessantly talking about your habitual flip-floppery, make sure it isn't the most interesting thing about you.

Especially because "inconsistency in his voting record" is literally so uninteresting I fell asleep seven times just typing out the phrase.

Sad News, Y'all

Just three days after endorsing Newt Gingrich, professor of political science at Point Break University and actor Gary Busey has withdrawn his endorsement.

"It is not time for me to be endorsing anyone at this time! When there are the two final candidates, then I will endorse," Busey said Wednesday in a statement released through his representative.

Aww, shucks. I hope you can still spectacularly flame out without him, Mr. Gingrich! GOOD LUCK!

Primarily Awful

Here's the latest from the BAD MAX: BEYOND BLUNDERDOME! aka the Republican Primary...

Frontrunner (gag reflex) Newt Gingrich has shit-canned his brand new Iowa political director after dude made disparaging remarks about Mormonism being a cult. Gingrich's Iowa game does not have the moves like Jagger, so this is yet another setback in a key primary state. Whooooooooooops!

Erstwhile frontrunner (sad clown) Mitt Romney meanwhile put on his Rootin'-Tootin' Fisticuffing Britches and called Gingrich an "extremely unreliable leader in the conservative world." Oh HELL no! You kiss your mother with that mouth, Willard?! Ha ha just kidding. That is a very weak criticism. In fact, I'm pretty sure at least 72% of conservatives consider "extremely unreliable" a desirable attribute in a president. See: 2000-2008.

In other Romney-related news, focus groups keep finding that evangelicals don't like Romney (which is definitely not because he's Mormon, ha ha, no way!), but he just won the coveted Christine O'Donnell endorsement, and she's like Queen Evangelica of the Christlands, so EVERYTHING IS SO CONFUSING! Aren't "the evangelicals" a monolithic hivemind like the media keeps telling me?! Next thing you know, women will start voting for different candidates.

In New Hampshire, Ron Paul makes a strong argument for bootstraps: "If we didn't have bailouts, dependency on government, welfare for the rich, food stamps for the poor [people would live within their means]." Fun Fact: Within some circles, Ron Paul is known as "Mr. Cool Logic."

Michele Bachmann calls her opponents "milquetoast" candidates: "I must raise every available dollar between now and January 3rd to ensure our hard-charging constitutional conservative campaign—not some milquetoast opponents like Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, and Newt Gingrich—wins over these undecided Iowa voters." I guess everything looks like milquetoast when you're a rightwing extremist.

In case you weren't aware, Rick Santorum is very religious. His "presidential ambition is rooted in his faith," and his faith is, in fact, "the key ingredient that also powers Santorum's long-shot drive for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination." That is a very nice way of saying it would take a miracle for Santorum to become the GOP nominee. Poor Rick Santorum. It's gotta hurt to be such a resoundingly terrible candidate that, even in a campaign in which every dingaling who throws hir hat in the general vicinity of the ring becomes Conservatives' New Favorite Person of the Day, even the most desperate primary electorate since the last election (McCain-Palin 4ever!) diligently endeavors to pretend you don't exist in the futile hope you will just quietly go away. Aww.

Jon Huntsman predicts he'll "catch on after silly season," because he's a serious candidate. "I don't sign those silly pledges. I don't pander. I don't light my hair on fire. There's just some things I won't do." Like, for example, be invited to the next debate, because his poll numbers are in the toilet. The toilet at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. (Great joke!)

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet.

Discuss.

Quote of the Day

"I told my colleagues yesterday a bit of homespun wisdom that I got from an alderman in Chicago some years ago when one of his colleagues wanted to run for higher office and he was really dubious. He said, 'Just remember the higher a monkey climbs on a pole, the more you can see his butt.' So, you know, the Speaker is very high on the pole right now and we'll see how people like the view."—David Axelrod, chief strategist for President Barack Obama, on the increased scrutiny Republican candidate Newt Gingrich will face now that he's the frontrunner.

[Via Political Wire.]

Primarily Gross

Here's the latest from the epic parade of failosaurs competing to be THE BIGGEST DIRTBAG OF THEM ALL! aka the Republican Primary...

Frontrunner (barrrrrrrf) Newt Gingrich has been offered a million dollars by odious conservative radio host Michael Savage to drop out of the race. Ha ha Michael Savage you are being an even bigger fuckbrain than usual! Newt Gingrich farts in the general direction of your million dollars. That will barely even cover his tab at Tiffany's!

Former frontrunner (whoooooooops!) Mitt Romney wants to "turn around America and keep America American with the principals [sic] that made us the greatest nation on Earth." It's hard to believe he's not running away with this race with stirring, well-crafted, and totes not at all embarrassingly juvenile rhetoric like that!

Rick Santorum is counting on Iowa. Did you hear that, Iowa? Rick Santorum is counting on you to turn him from a national joke into a national candidate. TALL ORDERS! I hope you are up to the task.

Jon Huntsman is not running as an independent! "I'm not running as an independent. I'm not running as an independent. I don't know how many times I have to say that." A million! By the way, you're definitely not running as the Republican nominee, either.

Rick Perry is still definitely in the race! He has not dropped out yet.

Are you interested in meeting the man behind Ron Paul's awesome campaign ads from 1989? Sure you are! Who wouldn't be? No one, that's who! So thank goodness that the Washington Post has profiled this very interesting gentleman! "I wouldn’t consider myself a member of his army." "I don't get into campaign strategy." Ha ha GREAT STUFF. A real dynamo, this guy.

Michele Bachmann has strengths and weaknesses, and in the Venn diagram of those two things, "her certainty" lies in the intersection. So says the WaPo. Is it evident that I have lost all interest in Michele Bachmann? I have lost all interest in Michele Bachmann. And this primary.

Wake me when the Republicans have nominated one of these garbage nightmares, so I can repeat ad infinitum that whoever it is should never be president.

Headline of the Day

Gingrich Pledges Not to Commit Infidelity a Third Time, Reaffirms Opposition to Marriage Equality. Snort.

Which just underlines what bullshit the unholy marriage between political conservatives (small government! no taxes!) and social conservatives (big Jesus! no homo!) really is. There's nothing politically conservative about forcing people to sign pledges about private consensual sex acts, or about arguing that the government should be in the business of telling people they can't marry a consenting partner of legal age.

Gingrich doesn't give a flying flunderton about this horseshit, except insomuch as it will help him win the GOP nomination. (Or impeach a president.) He's got the sexual ethics of a Republican with no sexual ethics.

It's embarrassing to watch these sad, socially stunted failosaurs bray about getting Gingrich to sign their morality yearbooks as if it matters, as if he cares. What fools.

Primarily Annoying

According to the latest CNN/TIME/ORC poll, if the Republican presidential primary were held today, 48% of the registered Republicans likely to vote in the Florida primary would support Newt Gingrich. The next closest contender is Mitt Romney, with only 25%. Yikes.

Gingrich also leads Romney in Iowa (33% to 20%) and in South Carolina (43% to 20%), while Romney leads Gingrich in New Hampshire (35% to 26%).

No candidate gets more than 50% support anywhere. In fact, the only response that gets more than 50% anywhere is "might change mind." Oof.

Which makes Gallup's latest poll findings thoroughly unsurprising: Republicans Less Enthusiastic About Voting in 2012. "Republicans' enthusiasm about voting in the election for president next year has decreased, with 49% of Republicans and independents who lean Republican now saying they are more enthusiastic than usual about voting, down from 58% in September. This narrows the gap between them and Democrats, 44% of whom are more enthusiastic than usual, essentially the same as in September."

The lack of enthusiasm isn't difficult to understand when frontrunner Mitt Romney is asked to comment on the Eurozone crisis and says shit like this: "Europe is capable of solving Europe's problems. I actually think that—I mean, I'm not an economist by training, but what limited understanding of the economy I have suggests it's very difficult to cobble together Greece, Ireland, Italy and Germany with the same monetary policy and highly disparate fiscal policies. I don't know how they hold it together." (Emphasis mine.)

Definitely the guy you want to elect in the middle of an economic crisis is the one who says he's got a "limited understanding of the economy," for sure.

At least we know it's a "limited understanding of the economy" that's behind Romney's also saying shit like this:

[President Obama] seeks to replace our merit-based society with an entitlement society. In an entitlement society, everyone receives the same or similar rewards, regardless of education, effort and willingness to take risk. That which is earned by some is redistributed to the others. And the only people to enjoy truly disproportionate rewards are the people who do the redistributing — the government.

Entitlement societies are praised in academic circles, far removed from the reality of a competitive world. Opportunity is replaced by the certainty that everyone in an entitlement society will enjoy nearly the same rewards. But there is another certainty: They will be poor.

In an entitlement society, the invigorating pursuit of happiness is replaced by the deadening reality that there is no prospect of a better tomorrow.

Whooooooooooooooooops that is not even close to reality, sir.

In a sign of how dire this Republican primary really is, Rep. Ron Paul is picking up steam and now finds himself in third place behind the lawbreaking Gingrich and the flip-flopping Romney.

"Welp, we've tried Trump, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Romney, and Gingrich, and they all stink, so maybe we should give this Paul fella a look." Zoinks.

Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that Sarah Palin is watching all this from the sidelines and contemplating the possibility that, if she waits long enough, then reverses her decision and throws in her hat after all, she'll get the nomination sheerly on the basis of Republican primary voters' desperation for someone else please Jesus someone anyone else...?

Primarily Stupid

A look at what's going on with those rascally Republican rapscallions this morning...

In feminist news (lulz), Rep. Michele Bachmann has received the endorsement of arch conservative Phyllis Schlafly. How fun! An anti-feminist lady endorsing an anti-feminist lady—and womanhood, nor the particular attributes that being a strong woman in a misogynist culture both demands and reinforces, definitely has nothing to do with it FOR SURE, because that would be feminism, which is obviously garbage.

Speaking of strong ladies, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi knows Newt: "One of these days we'll have a conversation about Newt Gingrich. I know a lot about him. I served on the investigative committee that investigated him, four of us locked in a room in an undisclosed location for a year. A thousand pages of his stuff." I believe the technical term for that is "oppo-research-a-go-go."

Obviously, conservatives don't give a fuck if Newt Gingrich snorted payola off an organic goat's tenderloin, but GOP elites have to be nervous about whether independent voters will be so sanguine about Candidate Gingrich's unsavory past. And present. And certain future.

On that "we'll take Newt, whatever" note, as Gingrich emerges as the clear frontrunner in Iowa, Gallup finds that "Republicans See Gingrich, Romney as 'Acceptable' Nominees." And they are the only two candidates deemed acceptable by more than 50% of respondents. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Curb the enthusiasm there, Republicans!

Speaking of Mitt Romney: Did you know he's a flip-flopper? It's true! I know, I was shocked. And not only does he lack integrity, it turns out he's shady and dishonest, not to mention unethical, as well. What an absolute surprise! I had no idea. Ha ha just kidding. I had ALL the ideas.

The leftovers: Gingrich asks Trump to create 'apprentice' program for poor schoolchildren. Of course he does. And Paul Krugman on the current state of American politics.

Rebuilding Privilege

Speaking of Newt Gingrich (ugh, this job, where I have to write things like "speaking of Newt Gingrich," because I have to speak of Newt Gingrich), the candidate has released his first television campaign spot, which will begin running in Iowa today. It's called "Rebuilding the America We Love," although, as per the usual conservaspeak, that's just a dog whistle more honestly translated as "Rebuilding Privilege."

String music. Amber waves of grain. A white picket fence, and a porch with a US flag blowing gently in the breeze. Newt Gingrich: "Some people say the America we know and love is a thing of the past. I don't believe that." Majestic purple mountains. A white dude in a factory. Lots of sparks. (Did Michael Bay direct this shit?) "Because, working together, I know we can rebuild America." US flag. Ma (a white lady) sweeping porch of her white-shingled ma-and-pop business. "We can revive our economy and create jobs—" Steel mill. Sparks. "—shrink government and the regulations that strangle our businesses—" Young blonde white lady arranging flowers in her flower shop window. "—throw out the tax code, and replace it with one that is simple and fair." The Marine Corps drill team (just a sea of white dude faces) practicing the exhibition drill. "We can regain the world's respect, by standing strong again—" Statue of Liberty. White church in the countryside. "—being true to our faith—" Four young corporate types—two white women, one white man, and one black man. "—and respecting one another." White cowboy in slo-mo, lassoing steer. "We can return power to the people—" Statehouse. "—and to the states we live in—" White man's hand drifting across the golden tops of wheat in a field. "—so we'll all have more freedom—" Little white boy in classroom being taught by young white lady teacher. "—opportunity—" Silo backlit by sunrise. "—and control of our lives." Newt's face. "Yes, working together, we can and will rebuild the America we love." STRING MUSIC! "I'm Newt Gingrich, and I approve this message." (Oh, I bet you do.)

[Via Andy.]

Primarily Gross

It's been so long since there was a Democratic incumbent in the White House that I forgot how completely goddamn boring primary season is when it's just a bunch of Republicans running around trying to out-stupid each other. Despite their desperate bid for my attention with no fewer than twelve thousand debates since June, I haven't managed to muster much energy or enthusiasm for their traveling sideshow, but I guess it's about time to discuss the epic garbage nightmare that is the potential candidacy of one of the reprobates from the field of failosaurs regurgitated from the bowels of the Republican establishment this year.

So here's the latest news: Herman Cain has suspended his campaign, while promising to "not go away." (It's okay; you can just go away. Really.) He will reportedly endorse Newt Gingrich today, who is now leading the polls among primary voters in Iowa. (He can also go away. And take Mitt Romney with him.)

It's coming down to Mitt vs. Newt. Either one would be colossally horrendo as president, and I don't imagine that one would be more of a danger to Obama in the general campaign than the other. They've both got their campaigning strengths and weaknesses, and neither one would be measurably stronger or weaker in debates: Newt Gingrich is a more confident debater, but Mitt Romney is less likely to say things like, "We should hire poor children to work at the bootstrap factory."

President Obama's biggest threat remains his own record—and the haunting echo of his own voice promising hope and change.

And, as ever, the media will be a wild card: Paul Krugman observes, both amusingly and depressingly: "All indications are, however, that Campaign 2012 will make Campaign 2000 look like a model of truthfulness. And all indications are that the press won't know what to do—or, worse, that they will know what to do, which is act as stenographers and refuse to tell readers and listeners when candidates lie."

Can't wait!

Quote of the Day

"Bigfoot dressed as a circus clown would have a better chance of beating President Obama than Newt Gingrich, a similarly farcical character."—An anonymous Republican insider, one of many "anonymous Republican insiders" who offer equally amusing assessments of candidate Gingrich, who has far less favor among the GOP establishment than he does among conservative voters generally, because people who know him know that he's a multidimensional garbage nightmare.

Quote of the Day

"Really poor children in really poor neighborhoods have no habits for working and have nobody around them who works. So they literally have no habit of showing up on Monday."—Multimillionaire Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, who has evidently never actually met any poor people, defending his endorsement of repealing child labor laws.

Via @AdamSerwer, who also notes that it's "More accurate to say poor children often have 'no one around them' because they frequently have one parent who is *always* working."

Again, I would just like to note that Newt Gingrich is one of the best candidates the Republican Party can find in a nation of 308 million people.

Quote of the Day

"I repudiate, and I call on the President to repudiate, the concept of the 99% and the 1%. It is un-American, it is divisive, it is historically false."—Newt Gingrich.

lol your fuckbrain.

Seriously, GOP?

Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf: Gingrich at top of pack for first time in CNN polling.

Only the Republican Party could consider nominating a guy who said, during one of the most catastrophic periods of unemployment in the nation's history, "I'm tired of finding new ways to help people who aren't working; I want to find ways to help people who are working."

Which is still one of the least objectionable things Newt Gingrich has ever said or done.

Yiiiiiiiiiikes, GOP. Yikes.

Occupy Everywhere & Economic News Round-Up

In this Friday, Nov. 18, 2011, photo University of California, Davis Police Lt. John Pike uses pepper spray to move Occupy UC Davis protesters while blocking their exit from the school's quad Friday in Davis, Calif. Two University of California, Davis police officers involved in pepper spraying seated protesters were placed on administrative leave Sunday, Nov. 20, 2011, as the chancellor of the school accelerates the investigation into the incident. [AP Photo]

Related and Recommended Reading on the UD Davis incident:

Matt Wells in The Guardian: UC Davis Police Placed on Leave After Pepper Spray Video Outrage.

Garance Franke-Ruta in The Atlantic: Too Much Violence and Pepper Spray at the OWS Protests: The Videos and Pictures.

CNN: California Campus Police on Leave After Pepper-Spraying.

In other Occupy News...

The Guardian crunches the numbers and finds it more like the 99.99% [via Andy]:


[Related article here. Video transcript is available here.]
In sweet news, Occupy Wall Street activists Jonathan Lopez, 19, and Ivan Cabrera, 18, exchanged vows, marking the first same-sex marriage at Zuccotti Park.

In shitty news, powerful DC lobbying firm Clark Lytle Geduldig & Cranford "has proposed an $850,000 plan to take on Occupy Wall Street and politicians who might express sympathy for the protests. ... CLGC's memo proposes that the [their client, the American Bankers Association] pay CLGC $850,000 to conduct 'opposition research' on Occupy Wall Street in order to construct 'negative narratives' about the protests and allied politicians. The memo also asserts that Democratic victories in 2012 would be detrimental for Wall Street and targets specific races in which it says Wall Street would benefit by electing Republicans instead."

Speaking of Republicans, GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich believes that secularism is responsible for the US' economic problems (of course he does): "A country that has been now since 1963 relentlessly in the courts driving God out of public life shouldn't be surprised at all the problems we have. Because we've in fact attempted to create a secular country, which I think is frankly a nightmare." Previously: Gingrich blames same-sex marriage for the country's economic woes.

Meanwhile, at Supercommittee Headquarters...

New York Times—The Deficit Deal That Wasn't: Hopes Are Dashed: "On Sunday, just one week after both sides had begun to feel hope, several members of the bipartisan panel conceded that their weeks of negotiations had failed. In the end the two sides could not agree on a mix of tax increases and spending cuts and—perhaps above all—on the fate of the tax cuts originally signed by President George W. Bush, which are now scheduled to expire at the end of 2012. While the panel's failure was in many ways foretold—President Obama and the House speaker, John A. Boehner, failed to reach a similar deal only this past summer—the deadlock offers fresh evidence for everyone frustrated with Congress, including its own members. ... Democrats and Republicans, as has been their wont throughout the process, could not even agree on what led the talks to slide into failure."

Washington Post—Debt supercommittee members brace for failure: "The congressional 'supercommittee' stumbled its way toward failure Sunday, with final staff-level discussions focusing mostly on how the panel should publicly admit that lawmakers could not meet their mandate of shaving $1.2 trillion from the federal debt. Rather than making a final effort at compromise, members of the special deficit-reduction committee spent their final hours casting blame and pointing fingers, bracing for the reaction from financial markets that are already jittery over the European debt crisis."

Speaking of the Eurozone...

The Guardian's live coverage is here.

New York Times—Europe Fears a Credit Squeeze as Investors Sell Bond Holdings: "Nervous investors around the globe are accelerating their exit from the debt of European governments and banks, increasing the risk of a credit squeeze that could set off a downward spiral. Financial institutions are dumping their vast holdings of European government debt and spurning new bond issues by countries like Spain and Italy. And many have decided not to renew short-term loans to European banks, which are needed to finance day-to-day operations. If this trend continues, it risks creating a vicious cycle of rising borrowing costs, deeper spending cuts and slowing growth, which is hard to get out of, especially as some European banks are having trouble meeting their financing needs."

Reuters—Warren Buffett: Euro zone not working, words alone won't fix it: "Buffett, dubbed the 'Oracle of Omaha' for his long track record as a value investor, said he had no idea how Europe's sovereign debt crisis, which started in Greece two years ago and rages on, would end, though he noted there were good valuations among companies in Europe. 'Not in the debt space, but in the equity space there are opportunities,' he said."

Brad DeLong—Yet Another New York Times Fail: Ross Douthat Department:"Does Ross Douthat really believe that there ought to be a law saying that lenders must lend to a country's government whenever that country wants to borrow on terms that the country's government sets? He simply has not thought any of this through."

As always, please feel welcome and encouraged to leave links to what you've been reading/writing in comments.