I Write Letters

Dear Parks & Recreation:

I love you. That is all.

Wait, no, that's not all. I LOVE Amy Poehler's character, and not just because she's an earnest feminist foolishly optimistic do-gooder in Indiana with a picture of Hillary Clinton on her office wall, which I admit has a certain familiarity to it. I love that Leslie was allowed to choose her ambitious career over a man who was genuinely good for her, which I have never seen, ever, on any show.

I LOVE Rashida Jones. She is heartbreakingly beautiful, but she is given the opportunity to be sooooooo funny. (And she succeeds! I love her!) I love that Leslie and Anne are such good friends, and that they are both allowed to be totally cool ladies in totally different ways.

I LOVE Retta. I love that Donna doesn't exist to be the butt of fat jokes. I love that she is fat and stylish and sexy, and that she gets laid! A lot! I would love for her to be in the show EVEN MORE!

I LOVE Aubrey Plaza. I love April's relationship with Andy, and her interactions with Ron. Is there an Emmy for Best Eyeball Rolling? There should definitely be an Emmy for Best Eyeball Rolling, and it should be given to Aubrey Plaza EVERY YEAR. Forever!

I LOVE that I have already written about four major characters, and THEY ARE ALL WOMEN. I would like to mention here that I love BOTH of the Tammys, and Joan Callamezzo, and Marlene Knope (OMG Pamela Reed where have you been?!), too.

I love Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari). I love Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt). I love Jerry Gergich (Jim O'Heir), and I love that I know that his real name is Gary and that even though everyone picks on him, he has the best life and a huge penis. I love Chris Traeger (Rob Lowe). I love Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), almost as much as Butch Pornstache does.

I love Ben Wyatt, who is played by Adam Scott, who used to only play jerks and I wasn't sure I'd like him as not a jerk, but I love him so much. I love that Ben is never mean to Leslie, and respects her and admires her. I love that he owns a Batman costume, and apparently a button-maker.

And I love Li'l Sebastian.

I love watching a show that's about nice people (who sometimes fuck up), trying to do the right thing. It makes me blub pretty much every week. I love that, too.

Thank you for the best Thursdays, Parks & Rec.

Love,
Liss

P.S.

Impossibly Beautiful

One of the basic (but unspoken) tenets of the Beauty Standard is that famous women (and men) must mask all indication of their humanity. No laugh lines, no frown lines, no blemishes, no evidence of aging, no having too much hair there or too little hair here, no fat, no sag, no varicose veins, no moles, no marks, no crooked toes, no imperfections no flaws no scars no errant freckles even if they are beautiful because no deviation from the arbitrary standards of Perfection.

It's a heinous enough expectation for the cover of a magazine, when an intern with Photoshop will be tasked with clumsily erasing all trace of documentation that a mortal human being exists behind the carefully constructed veneer. But these days, when half the population's walking around with an HD camera and a high-speed internet connection in their pockets, suddenly celebrities are expected to not be human even in person, even in extreme close-up.

Hence: BuzzFeed's "10 Scary Celebrity Close-Ups." I'm not going to provide a direct link, because fuck giving them traffic for that; you can find it easily enough if you're so inclined. It's a gallery consisting of extreme close-up images of nine women, with one close-up of Iggy Pop, as if everyone's holding Iggy Pop and the latest Hollywood ingenue to the same beauty standards.

This picture of Zooey Deschanel—whose indefatigable service as every hipster dude's Manic Pixie Dream Girl is now being rewarded with the predictable sneering backlash once the dudes who drooled over her discovered she had the temerity to not, as it turns out, be their private property—is typical of the gallery:


Granted, the grey bits rattling 'round my brainpan have been freed from The Matrix, so my perspective is very stupid unfun bonerkilling different than the average gazer upon this image, but I don't see something "scary." What I see is proof of Zooey Deschanel's humanity. (Not that I needed any.) What I see is a tear in the page of the fairy tale of the Impossibly Beautiful. What I see is permission for women to give themselves a fucking break.

I also, for the record, see a beautiful woman. But my opinion of Zooey Deschanel is irrelevant. What matters is that there's no such thing as an objective beauty standard.

And then there's this: It's incomprehensibly fucked up that evidence of a woman's humanity is considered "scary," by any means of observation. But this contempt for visible humanness in close-up reveals something extremely ugly about the nature of objectification: People who want to fuck Zooey Deschanel express repulsion at seeing her face up close. "Eww—you got intimacy all up in my remote objectification! Gross!"

The real problem with these images, and their insistent revelation of humanness, is not that they are "scary." It is that they challenge the viewer to embrace the humanity of women.

Which I suppose might be terrifying, if you're not used to thinking of women as human.

Enough already. Enough.

#mencallmethings

Yesterday I mentioned the #mencallmethings hashtag that Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown had started on Twitter so female bloggers could share some of the vitriol they receive from a seemingly never-ending cavalcade of thunderfucks in their inboxes and comments sections. It's still going strong, and, again, I encourage you to check it out and participate, with the note that much of the stuff people are submitting is triggering.

For those who aren't on Twitter and/or can't view Twitter from work, I've published below the fold (on most browsers) my contributions in chronological order to #mencallmethings. If you can't (or don't want to) participate on Twitter, but have experience(s) you'd like to share, please feel welcome and encouraged to submit your own experience(s) in comments.

[Trigger warning for rape culture, threats, violence, misogyny, fat hatred, disablism.]

● Everything @sadydoyle has already said, plus every variation on fat, ugly, and unfuckable under the sun and the moon. #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] Also unrapeable, despite the fact that I have been raped. #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] Here is Shakesville's famously unmoderated Opie & Anthony thread, for a breathtaking example of #mencallmethings: http://bit.ly/txe8KM (link)

● My most recent post on the subject of #mencallmethings: On Keeping On Keeping On. http://bit.ly/tzgdVf (link)

● [TW] "id have to rape her with 3 Popsicle sticks taped to my flaccid wang" http://bit.ly/tYspMG #mencallmethings (link)

● A "dumm bith." http://bit.ly/s45ah7 #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "No one wants to rape you, Shakes. Sorry to inform you." http://bit.ly/ltrQKM #mencallmethings (link)

● A steampunk abortion robot: http://bit.ly/uBoLLA #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "only tragedy is that a bullet didn't rip through ur brainstem after u were used 4 ur 1 & only purpose in this world" #mencallmethings (link)

● My "I Get Letters" section is a plethora of fun correspondence from anti-feminists: http://bit.ly/tbq5YN #mencallmethings (link)

● "What a raging, lunatic, hypocrite u are. And despicable. What a despicable person u are." This, b/c I criticized a movie. #mencallmethings (link)

● "gigantic feminazi pig" -- The subject heading on an email the entirety of which read, "How much do you weigh?" #mencallmethings (link)

● "Why you lazy dope smoking fat hog, sitting on your fat ass every day writing bullshit, you're so opressed." [sic] #mencallmethings (link)

● "wretched cum dumpster" / "rape-murder fail" / "cunt bucket" / "fat whore" / These are all from recent emails. #mencallmethings (link)

● "The problem is this there are soooooooo many liberals…and so few bullets." Sent by a gov employee from his gov email. #mencallmethings (link)

● When I start compiling this stuff, I do find it slightly worrying how inured I've become to vicious bullying & threats. #mencallmethings (link)

● "Oh, well, just another day being wished raped and killed, and called a fat stupid cunt! Totally normal job, I'm sure!" #mencallmethings (link)

● [Like @KateHarding] I've also gotten emails imagining in vivid detail my sex life, while calling me disgusting/unfuckable & pitying my husband. #mencallmethings (link)

● Wonder passingly if it's the same guy, then realize I don't actually care. #mencallmethings (link)

● An "anti-Catholic, vulgar, trash-talking bigot." http://bit.ly/v9XBVe #mencallmethings (link)

● "I know where you live." Also: My street address used as a commenting handle. #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "If you can look at her without wanting to punch her in the face, you're not looking hard enough" http://bit.ly/tYspMG #mencallmethings

● [TW] "she is just hoping someone will get pissed enough at all her feminist shit & revenge rape her." http://bit.ly/tYspMG #mencallmethings (link)

● "Please die, PLEASE??????????????????????? Fat and Ugly is noway to go through life." http://bit.ly/t3mK18 #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "I hope you whiny cunts find your way on top of a pinball machine in the near future." http://bit.ly/t2VER8 #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "too bad that terrible rapist didnt kill your fat ass…. Cunt" http://bit.ly/s3ZNGr #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "guess the guy who raped you somehow left his dick behind b/c you have a major pole up your ass." http://bit.ly/s09Ygk #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "lying pinko-commie-feminist-bitch complains abt the 1 time in ur life where u served a purpose!" http://bit.ly/samGyw #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "If you stopped being such a stupid bitch & accepted the raping, you wouldn't have gotten beaten" http://bit.ly/vIVuDD #mencallmethings (link)

● [TW] "Oh and that guy that raped you. Fucking owned your ass." http://bit.ly/t60iIp #mencallmethings (link)

● Also, I have been called a liar by rape apologists. Over and over and over. #mencallmethings (link)

● @mistyclifton was the 1st Shakesville mod (besides me). We could write an entire #mencallmethings book from deleted comments alone, lolsob. (link)

● A member of The Weaker Sex. LULZ. #mencallmethings (link)

● I do so love the irony of the women who put up with this shit day in and day out being called "oversensitive." #mencallmethings (link)

● Weak! Hypersensitive! Reactionary! Hysterical! Easily offended! Possessor of delicate lady fee-fees! LULZ. #mencallmethings (link)

● Whoooooooooooops turns out we're not weak or oversensitive; we do not crumble, even under 10 metric fucktons of harassment. #mencallmethings (link)

● [in response to @SadyDoyle tweeting: "'Self-absorbed/bragging/self-involved' thing might be my favorite #mencallmethings. Makes it clear that you liking yourself is the problem."] Liking and respecting other women seems to be a pretty big sticking point with these harassers, too. #gofigure #mencallmethings (link)

● #mencallmethings: Stupid. At least, that is the implication when people feel obliged to inform me "not all men are like that." (link)

● #mencallmethings: Unfair. That, too, is the implication when people feel obliged to inform me "not all men are like that." (link)

● #mencallmethings: Mean. That, too, is the implication when people feel obliged to inform me "not all men are like that," as if I don't know. (link)

● It's not that I'm asserting "all men" harass women. I'm reporting that all the harassment I've received is from men. #mencallmethings (link)

● Deliberately eliding that distinction in order to call ME stupid, irrational, reactionary, etc. is a rich irony indeed. #mencallmethings (link)

● #mencallmethings just since this hashtag started: Head hog / Fat bitch / Cunt / Ugly / Whore / Liar / Evil / Hysteric / Easily offended (link)

● #mencallmethings just since this hashtag started: Hypersensitive / Toad / Unfuckable / Unrapeable / Every variation on fat imaginable. (link)

● Oftentimes, it's not that #mencallmethings. It's just that they don't link to me or support my work because they quietly agree [with the harassers]. (link)

● There are men who are ostensibly political allies who quietly call me "too strident, too hysterical, too FEMINISTY." #mencallmethings (link)

● They fancy themselves fundamentally different from trolls who want to silence by shouting, but silencing by marginalization is different only in that it lacks the honesty of its misogynist convictions. #mencallmethings (link and link)

#mencallmethings

Sady Doyle started a hashtag on Twitter so female bloggers could share some of the vitriol they receive from a seemingly never-ending cavalcade of thunderfucks in their inboxes and comments sections. Check out #mencallmethings, where I direct you with a trigger warning. It ain't pretty. And it's almost certainly worse than you even imagine.

I've contributed a bunch of stuff already, and will continue to submit as time allows.

An Observation

It occurs to me that many things in this culture might be very different if we referred to women and men not as "opposite sexes," but complementary ones.

Not disparate and mutually exclusive constructs, not pieces of a binary opposition, not foes who do battle, but bookends, in between which exist a spectrum of experience and presentation.

Multidisciplinary Genius

Hey, remember our friend David Barton, whose very smart ideas about education we were just discussing yesterday...? Well, it turns out he's a genius about feminism, too.

On a Believers Voice of Victory episode that aired today, David Barton told televangelist Kenneth Copeland that women are most elevated in a society that has "conformed to the Scriptures." Citing Religious Right activist Rabbi Daniel Lapin, Barton said that the Bible is actually the basis of women's rights, while in "Islam" and secular societies like France and "the Norwegian countries," women have fewer rights and less respect.

Oh, he's also a ninth degree black belt geography master. FYI.